A woman whose fiancé is 21 years her senior has revealed he is often mistaken for her dad.
But Mitch Carney, 49, and Carol Kay Terry, 28, say “age is just a number” and defend their relationship. The Oklahoma couple shared their story with Newsweek to show an age-gap relationship like theirs is perfectly normal.
Although relationships between partners with a large age difference are often perceived negatively in Western culture and media, Newsweek spoke to a Las Vegas-based licensed therapist, who said age-gap relationships “do work”.
Carol said: “I have been asked if I was his daughter a lot but I think it’s funny. I usually come back with something witty—It doesn’t offend me at all. People oversee the fact I am an adult, they look at me like I am still in high school. But we are adults, as long as nothing inappropriate happens such as grooming, but we can make our own choices.”
This isn’t the first time Carol, who is a mom of two, has dated an older man.
She said: “My ex-partner is now 55 years old. I am an old soul and get on much better with older men. They are more mature and know what they want out of life.”
Earlier this year in May, a sample of 1,005 adults age 18+ were asked about age-gap dating.
The Ipsos poll found nearly four in 10 Americans have previously dated someone with an age difference of 10 or more years. More than half of the respondents (55%) stated the top perceived benefit of dating older partners was emotional maturity and 44 percent said that financial freedom was another.
Dad-of-one Mitch, who is a playground design consultant, has previously been married three times but Carol, who is a customer support associate, is the youngest woman he has ever been with.
The poll also found that 37 percent of Americans say open-mindedness is one of the benefits of dating younger.
It turns out Mitch couldn’t agree more. He said: “I usually date women who are in their 30s. I find women my age are set in their ways and they don’t want to compromise. The age gap between Carol and I means there’s more room for us to grow and learn about each other.”
The couple initially met on TikTok in January this year and Mitch proposed five months later in May.
“We had only been together a few months but when you know, you know. We don’t have any confrontations and everything has flowed so easily—more than any other relationship.
“It is so natural and I’m amazed by how well we get along. My buddies think it’s a temporary thing or a phase but she says she will take care of me when I am older,” he told Newsweek.
Other than being mistaken for Mitch’s daughter, Carol explains another common “misconception” of an age-gap relationship.
She said: “Not everyone in their 40s and 50s has thousands of dollars lying around. People automatically assume an age-gap relationship is about money, but we both work and we don’t keep up with the Joneses.
“I am in this for a partner and my sons need a good male figure in their life. I came into this relationship to complete a family, not because of salary.”
This isn’t the first time Newsweek has spoken to an age-gap couple. Previously we shared an article about a 41-year-old mom dating a 23-year-old man. They insisted the relationship wasn’t transactional despite strangers’ assumptions.
While Mitch and Carol are in it for the long run, dating expert Emyli Lovz, previously stated an age-gap relationship won’t work if you’re looking for a “lifelong partner.” She said this is because they will have different reference points and experiences.
But Katherine M. Hertlein, a licensed therapist studying relationships, shared several reasons why age-gap relationships do work.
Speaking to Newsweek, Hertlein said: “First, from an evolutionary perspective, women might be looking for someone who is more established which may provide a sense of security.”
“Second, these relationships are often second-marriage relationships where both people would be older. And thirdly, women may delay marriage due to educational or job opportunities, and may then have a limited pool of people their own age when they are ready to be in a longer-term relationship,” said Hertlein, a professor in the psychiatry department at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.
The couple is “actively trying” for a baby as they would “love” to expand their blended family.
Hertlein added: “While the perception of the age gaps in relationships is quite negative, the women in those relationships tend to have secure attachments; the relationships may also be characterized by high degrees of satisfaction; however, the negative perception of these relationships and criticisms offered by others may have an impact on commitment.”
Source: https://www.newsweek.com/relationship-age-gap-fiance-21-years-1758217